Weekends now are like gold. I feel really lethargic during the weekends and if I were to follow what I just want to do most, it would be to rest till I feel satisfied without having anything to do. Then again, think about it, 48 hours of freedom a week. Is it worth it using the time to sleep when it should be used interacting with friends, using the internet and catching up on family members?

Speaking of which, I spent my time in camp reading and writing stuff during my free times so as to slow down the rate of decomposition of my brain. Trust me, in camp, you do stuff that require only physical strength and almost no mental strength unless you're talking about the stress felt by being away from your loved ones.

If this continues, my brain will soon malfunction and no way am I goinna let that happen. Thus I wrote poems with themes that inspire me at that certain point of time.

Enjoy!

Closeted and lonely, I'm feeling it both
My mouth's sewn shut, held by an oath
My soul's trapped in, cuffed by a pact
Yes I hate this life, it's a well known fact

I live in a room, but it feels like a cell
My life here reciprocates that of hell
24 months of a routined life, its simply abhorring
Compared to this, trust me, school's really not that boring

A life of regimentation, with screams here and there
Punishments aloof, with no one to spare
There's no room for mistakes, try if you dare
You can wail, you can cry, but they just won't care

The situation worsens being away from your loved ones
Just think of them, and you'll get homesick at once
You'll spend your time counting down to Friday
Yet time passes by so slow, it seems so far away

Well I could rant on and let my imagination loose
Yet I've got 2 choices, which should I choose?
Follow the heart, express emotions of disgust
Or follow the brain, take things easy and adapt fast

I'm the wolf covered in the clothing of a sheep
I'm an alligator hiding underneath still waters
I'm your paradox and irony in Shakespearan lingo
Now don't you try messing around with me

I might seem weak but I'm not giving it my all
I might seem dumb but I'm a geek in disguise
Now don't you seemingly judge a book by its cover
Cause if you do, then you'll be surprised

I'll take the chance and pounce on you to gobble up your ego
I'll tiptoe quietly behind you and swallow up your pride
I'll creep mysteriously around you and I'll meddle with your mind
I am an illusion, I'm the shadow of the night

I've had enough of being labelled
I hate to be looked down upon
Now just you wait, I'm goinna show you what I've got
Sun down, I'll let you meet my alter ego

Cause I'll take the chance and pounce on you to gobble up your ego
I'll tiptoe quietly behind you and swallow up your pride
I'll creep mysteriously around you and I'll meddle with your mind
I am an illusion, I'm the shadow of the night

Darkness fall, you'll hear my call
I'm the shadow of the night

I used to be an angel
Where purity surrounds me
My face so sweet, my life so pure
I never thought I would go wrong

Fate landed you upon my eyes
And I felt the need to make you mine
I wanted you, I needed you
That's when I tried to change my ways

So give me a way to turn back time
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Stringed and played, all my actions are controlled
Somebody help me please, before I fall deeper

Rings I used to have, but I now have horns
Wings I used to fly, its replaced by dragon scales
I changed for you, it's all your fault
My life took a downhill turn, then I got lost

So give me a way to turn back time
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Stringed and played, all my actions are controlled
Somebody help me please, before I fall deeper

Pull me out, free me please
Before I fall deeper

GPA 2009

GPA last Saturday was indeed a blast, and I must say I was really impressed with the way with the way the MLCS members handled the entire event. I saw the tremendous effort and hard work put in by them as well as those who have graduated and I must say, all these efforts really paid off :)

A picture speaks a thousand words, and I'm too tired out to describe the entire process of it all, so let the pictures speak 100000000 words then =)

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The make up artistes for the day getting all busy to make their dancers look lawa on stage :)

MLCS seniors catching up. Take a look at their hilarious faces =P

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They're telling us their aim for their GP grades. Haha okay lame, they're proud of the GPA letters they made :)

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The new J1s all energized to start their kompang session to welcome the VIP

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Khairi.. This guy rocks at silat man! First time I saw him, I knew he seemed really familiar. He turned out to my one of my religious school classmates! HAHA!

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Finally, the four of us have our very own picture together. YAY!

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The batch of MLCS 07/08 , some of us at least!

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Mardhiah Deena and I ... Lovely seniors of mine!

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Shahidah! Wahh that day this girl was acting like a mak tiri to me you know. Tak habis habis marah marah budak NS ni.. HAHA! =P Kasi lah chance sikit, must be nice to NS boys you know! =) It was lovely seeing her after SO long!

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Ain the MLCS president! First photo with her, first chat with her, first time discovering who this lady really is. No wonder her friends call her MAK! I totally can relate :)

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Zulhafiz, his cousin's cousin, and the extra whose not part of the family tree! LOL! Alright I was kidding, I love these people ...

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Me and my juniors, Farid and Azizan! Here's a coincidental fact, one was my brother's kindergarden friend and the other was his primary school friend =X And for the record, yes Deena, I think Azizan does look abit like Eddy! HAHA!

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HUDAA!!! Gosh I missed this girl alot, reminds me of the times we spent together during the Indon trip days with nothing much to worry about.. We still need to catch up soon, you were sooo busy that day!

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Lyana! The other one I missed. At least I did manage to disturb her on a few attempts. She's another one whom I spent alot of time with during the Indo trip. We sat next to each other, of course I'll miss this little girl. HAHA! =P

The gang eating at Swensons. This one's specially for Iliyas cause he doesnt appear below..

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And this one's specially for DINA cause she doesnt appear above! HAHA! Her absence in the previous picture stirred up alot of humour and controversy amongst the people who went! Well maybe this is the camera's way of getting revenge on you for cheating on us, telling us you couldnt go cause you needed to go home to FEED YOUR CAT! HAHA!

And to top it all off, I went for COUNCIL CAMPFIRE! didnt get to take pictures cause I was already too sick and needed to go home, but it was an awesome campfire!

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Indeed spending time with your loved ones is what makes you go on with life no matter how tough it may be. Its ironic that I love spending time with this group of people. I remembered back then during my very first few weeks of my JC days, the moment I found out I was an automatic member of MLCS, I was absolutely upset about it. I had this thing against it cause of a past which Dina knows since we chatted about this before, right Dina? :) Similar thoughts! heheh...

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Now that I think about it, I realize this group of MLCS students are really very different and they have redefined the very definition of the word 'love' They make me happy, and I feel really honoured to be surrounded by such people. So far, I've known 4 batches of MLCS people, with the batch having Ain as the president as the first, and I must say all four batches have something in common, which is the value of love and bondedness.

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Just one week ago I saw them, but I'm already beginning to miss these people!

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Hope to see you guys really soon! :)

I had fun during GPA, and I guess that update will come next week! Thank you friends, and I had fun during council campfire as well. Booking in now! See you guys!

When you feel that something you're going through is absolutely pointless, would you still give it your best shot?

TREASURING

You'll only start treasuring something once you've lost it

Many at times in camp, during my free time, I'll ponder over this fact alot. There are many things all of us take for granted, for example friends, family and the luxury of items all of us hold. As wicked as this statement might seem, lets all face it. Its the truth for all, if not most of us here.

How many of us here actually acknowledge the fact that we have families to go back to once we return home from school or work? We take our homes for accommodation grounds and we just go home to sleep and do our own stuff. Our parents will always be there to welcome us with a warm smile, a cup of Milo or even some snacks for us to consume knowing we are exhausted after a day packed with activities yet do we thank them for their kind efforts?

How many of us here actually acknowledge the presence of our siblings at home? When we come home, we will most likely be so exhausted we will not even bother to interact with our own siblings although we live under the same roof. We see them as just another member of the family, yet we do not realize that perhaps they feel neglected as we make no attempt to show our love and concern for them.

How many of us here treasure this thing called freedom? We often take it for granted that we can do anything we like at our own risk without consequences. Freedom is too easily granted to us nowadays that we see it as something common and if not given freedom, I'm pretty sure most of us here would voice out our unhappiness and resort to the idea of expressing the issue of "human rights" as we put it.

Well NS can be such a pest, irritant or sore but I'm trying to think positive of it. At least it makes us think and mature mentally in terms of the way we perceive things. Before entering NS, most guys will be rather narrow minded in terms of the way they think of the people and issues surrounding them but I'm sure with these 2 years, we all all mature and progress.

Well isnt that the case?

I guess this means I'll be celebrating my 19th birthday in camp.. 5 more hours to my 19th birthday!

Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight ...

See you guys next weekend!

And while I'm on the topic of NS, I must say that I've been really really thankful to have such a nice and caring pool of friends who helped me through the entire of my first week.

Seriously there were times I felt like giving up and just telling the instructors that I'm not suited to do this, but the more I think about my acquaintances, I felt determined to do them proud and just give it my all.

Thank you my students, friends and family who spurred me on with your constant SMSes to me whilst I was in camp to check in on me to see if I was doing okay. That really helped me survive through the week more than anything else :) Continue doing so, cause I really need all of your help in this! hahaha...

Thank you too to my acquaintances for all your lovely words of encouragement the day before I enlisted. To people like Dina, Syakirah, Shahidah, its the simple gesture of an SMS that kept me realizing that I have gotta get through this for all of you since you have put the faith and hope in me :)

Don't worry, I'll persevere through. When the going gets tough, its the tough that gets going. I know the next week is going to be hard, but you have my word, I'm not going to give up..

As the saying goes, just take it like a man! HAHAHA! No wonder they say NS trains you to be a man... =P

FIRST WEEK OF CD

Finally, the day I have been anticipating arrived. Time really has a way of taking away everything from you. It passes by really quick when you're anticipating something you absolutely dread. NS. That two lettered word every guy just hates to hear. I know it is a process in which many have gone through and survived, yet for some reason I guess it all had to do with the negative perception I already had about NS which I simply refused to change. Too many horror stories I heard, well not literally, but in the sense of unmerciful instructors and uncooperative bunkmates. In fact that was my number one fear, unmerciful instructors who would not hesitate to push us all beyond our limit and punish us for every single thing possible.

I still remember trying to psycho my thinking at the final few moments before my enlistment. I tried telling myself life would not be as bad as I predicted it to be. Things would go fine if I just minded my own business and not get into the bad books of others. As my parents accompanied me to camp for the very first day, my mind was filled with emotions ranging from the mounting anxiety of what to expect there as well as sadness from having to leave my friends and family and not see them for over a week. The walked me all the way to the enlistment area, and there we separated. That was the last time I saw them.

I was alone in the enlistment room. I scanned my surroundings to observe the other recruits enlisting together with me. Some of them were exactly like me, alone with emotions of fear written all over their faces. Others just could not care less that they would be enlisting, They had friends and were busy chatting and anticipating what was next for them.

After enlistment we were brought into a multi purpose hall for our oath taking. The usuals for a uniformed organization, taking an oath makes it an obligation for those enlisting to abide by the rules and promise to protect their country. I got a first look at my instructors then. All so young, buffed and looking ready to whip us all into shape. I swear, one look at these instructors and I had this very uneasy feeling that I would actually manage to pass my IPPT under them.

Well, good or bad, I'll leave that for you to decide.

As for the details of what goes on in camp, I don't think I'm actually allowed to elaborate so I'll just summarize and say that its a very regimental life I am living. A life which requires lots of patience, discipline and tolerance for without them, emotions could run really high.

I must say though, that I actually like the instructors allocated to our company, well most of them at least. They do scold and punish us for our mistakes. They possess authority, yet they know how to use it well and not flaunt it just cause they know that can do so. Indeed, professional Grade A instructors.

Personally for me, I am coping fine although it is inevitable that the feeling of homesickness still lingers within me at times. I'm a rather reserved person, and I have made it a point to keep a low profile, so I hope that I'll be able to interact with my bunkmates better these coming few weeks.

The first week was a roller coaster ride for me. Coming from someone with absolutely no military background, everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong and I found myself getting scolded quite alot.. There are times I feel its not my fault, but fine we all have to learn to to take criticism with a pinch of salt.

Its alright, I'll bounce back and hopefully perform better for my next week in camp. Wish me luck guys :)

ENLISTED

For all of you who have been pestering me to upload a picture of my botak self, consider it done.. :)

I actually had doubts about how I would look, but hey, I don't think I look half as bad la ... haha!

Dearest friends, seniors, students,

The time to enlist is already here. Thanks all of you for your kind words, SMSes, everything! You guys have been really encouraging and I'm very sure I will be able to spur myself on with all your help ... Don't worry, although I'll already be in NS, I will never forget any of you in the civilian world and don't worry, I will still find time to blog during the weekends. Do remain a loyal reader ya! LOL!

I'll see you guys soon, and I hope I'll manage to adapt fast and fit in well!

You guys take caree!

P.s: Students, you'll have to wait a little longer before I upload my final teaching post! Enjoy schooling!

FATE

There are times where we feel things do not go our way, and we question why this has to happen to us. Its a harsh reality that life itself is not a bed of roses. True, there are times where we want things to happen and they do, but not all times they do for sometimes, things just take a turn in the completely opposite direction.

I've always asked myself this, if things do not go our way, who would be blamed for it?

Of course the most obvious thing to do would be to firstly to blame ourselves. Blame ourselves for not having enough passion, for not having enough commitment, for not being dedicated enough to actually go all out to achieve what we set out for. There are times this does apply to us, and we realize that we fail due to our own shortcomings.

However, if we are certain we have given in our best 101% in a certain something and things still do not go our way, what's next?

I just experienced my fair share of this a while back last week. I know I have tried my upmost best in my A Levels, and I know that all that hard work I have put in was indeed tremendous, yet when I think of it, it really does not reflect upon my grades at all. I got really average grades of a CDD, C for Maths, D for Physics and D for Chemistry. I know I passed it all, but I definitely did not want to settle for such grades especially after seeing how well some of my friends performed during this exams.

Perhaps I should just start accepting that result and move on. I used to fail my Maths and Sciences with U's all the way for my JC life, so if we were to take a look at the bright side, it definitely is a huge improvement aye? :)

You see the difference between optimism and pessimism? There are many different ways of looking at things, it's all in the way we choose to view things. Many at times, things can be viewed from a different perspective, so whether the glass if half full or half empty depends on us most of the time..

I guess for those of us who already tried yet got such results, we could think that perhaps this is our fate. Often at times, there are reasons why things happen. They don't happen just to hinder us, rather they happen to ensure we become stronger individuals who will be able to cope with obstacles better. Perhaps it is fate that led to such results as by achieving such results, it could lay the path for us unknowingly for future success.

You get my point? If you were to take a look at the world's most successful people, all of them have actually experienced failure at one point in their lives, and it is this failure that actually helped them achieve their current status, believe it or not.

Albert Einstein, Martha Steward, these are household names linked to success who have failed at least once during their younger days. Albert Einstein was a school dropout and Martha Steward has been sentenced to a jail term before, so if these people can do it, we can too. We should stop looking at failure so negatively for it could possibly lead to a future success!

On the brighter side for me, at least I managed to score a B for my GP =) Seriously, getting a B for english is not easy at all and I'm really glad that I have managed to achieve this grade. At least I will be able to live up to my name as an English teacher of Teck Whye Secondary school...

=)

RANDOM RAMBLINGS

The teaching blog entry will come soon, the moment my brother uploads the pictures onto the computer, so hang in there guys! :)

Today is Sunday, and usually on Sunday I look forward to it the most, cause its the day I get to relax, and following that its HEY MONDAY and I get to meet up with my students and teach them..

This time round, however, things are different...

The good times ended, and darkness starts to fall ...

Tomorrow seems dull and frightening, and I don't ever want tomorrow to come...

NS in 2 days...

Can you sense the excitement in my words? No?

LET GO

2 more days before I bid farewell to Teck Whye.
I'm not willing to, I'm not ready to do so
I still care so much about these students I now take under my wings

Thank you very much NS, 6 days...

I'm not ready to let go...

WHEN ANXIETY KICKS IN

It all seemed so real..

The day came, and he met all his friends. Bonding aside, everybody looked so suppressed with a thousand anxieties, waiting for the exact time for the designated letter to appear before them.

This time, it was no longer about trying to outwit each other. It was all about exceeding their expectations and doing well to get into the course of their choice. Everybody wanted everybody to do well of course, for the feeling of seeing someone left behind dwelling and crying non-stop was simply an unbearable one.

The principal came and gave his address. He was pretty sure not one of them was actually listening attentively to whatever the principal was saying. Everyone was just too scared.

His speech ended and the awaited time finally arrived. He walked towards his teacher and took his result slip in hand. He looked at it, took in a deep breath and finally started tearing slowly the edges to reveal whatever was inside.

He told himself, accept reality. As long as he passed all his subjects, he would be happy enough to just get an A Level Cert. The A's didnt matter anymore, for he had completely lost hope in actually doing well. What he wanted was just to pass well enough to enter the course of his choice, which was to become a teacher.

He took a look at his Maths grade, he got a B.
He took a look at his Chemistry grade, he got a C.
He took a look at his Physics grade, he got an E.

Any scholar would have probably burst in tears at seeing such results, but not him. He was actually calm, as if he expected that his results would turn out that way. Quietly, he heaved a sigh of relief, thanked god for helping him through and allowing him to pass all 3 of his H2s when he had no confidence in actually passing all three.

Then he looked further, and to his dismay he saw a C. The subject he was best at, General Paper, he got a C. He blinked, he winced, he rubbed his eyes, but it still remained as it was. This was when disappointment finally set into him, as he began to feel like a useless being. He was truly expecting an A or at least a B, not once was he expecting to do so badly at this subject. He was sad, but he just kept quiet. The tears just could not come out as he started thinking through his future plans.

This wasnt as bad as he expected. He passed it all, at least. He got a full cert. The anxiety was finally over he could finally move on with his life. NS is in four days, so that's what he should be looking forward to. Closing this chapter of his life as he opens another chapter and begin filling in the blank pages.

All of a sudden, the scene went blurry and he felt as if he was shrouded in a mist of foggy air.

He woke up, cold, drenched. The pages of the book he thought he closed just sprang open once more. No, the nightmare was not over just yet. In fact, it was just beginning...